@Janice I love that metaphor. So, my wee compass, which way am I pointing?

@Randi Thank you Randi. Those links worked. Maybe only certain content is restricted? I've always been a fan of Josh Grooban's work so that song was very apt. Again, thank you.

@Karilee What an excellent way of analysing my post! My own rules are restricting me. I do think you are on to something there.

You've given me lots to think about. Some food for thought Thank you.

And there’s another compass, pointing straight to your bloody phone!
janice´s last blog ..Stunning photos…sigh

@Janice I love that metaphor. So, my wee compass, which way am I pointing?

@Randi Thank you Randi. Those links worked. Maybe only certain content is restricted? I’ve always been a fan of Josh Grooban’s work so that song was very apt. Again, thank you.

@Karilee What an excellent way of analysing my post! My own rules are restricting me. I do think you are on to something there.

You’ve given me lots to think about. Some food for thought Thank you.

I feel you reaching out, even though it seems you’re not sure how to accept the help you may get in return.

One thing I noticed reading is that there are a lot of rules binding your behavior. Rules like “I need to eat whatever I’m served”; “I need to eat everything on my plate”; “I can’t eat with my fingers”; and perhaps “I can’t tell the waiter I don’t want spaghetti”. You might want to re-examine some of those and how they are constricting your life.

I get the sense that you’ve tried hard to follow the rules. You did the right thing. That’s not working for you in some way. What would be the risk of breaking some of them, or just deciding to change them?

Perhaps you could talk to the waiter about trying something different – skip to dessert! Maybe you could find someone hungry for spaghetti, and feed them. The post did evoke the old story about the difference between heaven and hell:
http://www.jokesnjokes.net/funny.jokes.amusing.humor.laughs/newsletters/inspire1124.htm

Perhaps you could even find someone who would enjoy being fed spaghetti from your fingers. And perhaps they’d feed you too. I have a feeling that would help you feel less hungry.

One of the songs I was exercising to was Josh Groban’s “You are Loved.” Perfect! It said exactly what I’d hoped to convey! I looked on youtube and found a 2 videos of the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-G8IfjPAII

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qonK8YgmbQU&feature=related

I hope you can access one or the other. Janice told me once that she couldn’t get a youtube link from me, something about the UK not being able to access it. So here’s my third option, in case you can’t get the videos:

You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up)

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy I
I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up

Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I
I’ll be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody needs to be loved
Don’t give up

Because…you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world

Don’t give up
Everyone needs to be loved

You are loved
Randi´s last blog ..Sunday Serenity 7-19-09

I agree with Samar and Hayden. As you know, I bore everyone rigid banging on about knowing who you are, what you want and why. But it all starts with questions and knowing what you adore, value, need and want. Then more questions. If you keep going without knowing your deepest values and purpose, you end up blindly hacking down forests looking for your way out. Stop! Take stock, metaphorically climb the nearest tree; you have to figure out where you are before you can see how to get from there to where you’re going. We’re just one part of the mosaic that makes up your map. I’m sure everyone who loves you will support, advise, guide and share, but it doesn’t matter what kind of wonderful map you’re given. You need to know where you’re going, and most importantly, a map’s useless if you don’t know exactly where you are right now. To do that you need to stop, stand still and get your bearings.
janice´s last blog ..Holidaying at Home: The East Neuk of Fife

*Grabs the waiter by his collar, punches him in the nose* Take that!

Though if I may dare say so, he was just doing his job. You didn’t tell him to stop and his job is to keep on serving. But you’re my friend and therefore the waiter deserved the punch.

Now that we’ve settled that, tell me what I can do for you.
Samar´s last blog ..It’s called freelancing: How would you deal with these situations?

The thing with me is that I tend to (over) analyse things. I started asking questions like; where the hell did that post just come from? Why am I feeling like this? What must I do to change?

That sort of self-exploration, even the acceptance that something is wrong, lifts the burden. Writing is definitely a therapy. As a result, there were many times where I reached for the delete button on this post.

I’m glad I didn’t.

There’s something else I’ve come to realise from reading your comments. I want to email you all, take you up on your kind offers. But I don’t know what to ask.

I’ve made some decisions, come to some realisations, but clearly I’m not out of the woods just yet. Tomorrow there will be a follow-up post. Hopefully pieces of the puzzle will fall into place for you as well as for me.

@Blogger Dad Thank you Dave. You’ve been incredibly understanding over the last few weeks. I really appreciate it.

@Mel Thank you for putting into words what I feared to be “only me”.

@Janice Thank you as well. For your continued support and encouragement. To answer your question, is the waiter fit? Mandy likes to think I am

@Hayden Wow. You are hitting incredibly close to the mark there. Not getting my purpose right. Trying and failing. Awesome comment! And yes go ahead and beat it up

@Writer Dad What can I say Sean. I’ve identified with you and your situation more than anyone else these last 6 or 7 months. The realisation of the inner writer yearning to be free. The desire to better yourself and to be a better provider for your family. The deep breath before plunging into uncharted waters.

It’s like an echo of my own life, my own being. Heck, just replying to you brings out the better side of my writing. Did I ever tell you you’re an inspiration

I know how you feel man. I’ve had a tomato crusted face many times this year myself. Give me a holler, and I’ll help however I can.
Writer Dad´s last blog ..The Perfection of Pixar